somethin taht will put a :-) on your face
- Posted by jan.hancic at email.si
Apr 29, 2001
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
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charset="iso-8859-1"
if code.bugz > 1000 then Application.Title :=3D 'Microsoft windows'
PC rules!
Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue
Forget Pkzip and Arj !
The best compresion of files in DOS can be done with this command:
del *.*
This garanties 100% compresion of files.
HIROSIMA 45, CERNOBIL 86, WINDOWS 95
Is Windows a Virus?
Q. Is Windows a virus?=20
A. No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:=20
1) They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
2) Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay,
Windows does that too.
4) Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with
valuable programs and systems. Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is
too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's
with Windows, too.=20
Maybe Windows is a virus.=20
Nope! There is a difference!=20
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated,
and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.=20
So there! Windows is NOT a virus.
It is a bug.=20
-------
OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"=20
-------
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time !=20
M$ WINDOWS SECRET CODE
#include "windows.h"
#include "system_errors.h"
#include "stdlib.h"
#include "msdos_bugs.h"
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_OS2())
freeze();
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
set_icons(UGLY);
print("Welcome to Windoze 3.11111");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory =3D open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
}
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Content-Type: text/html;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML><HEAD>
<META http-equiv=3DContent-Type content=3D"text/html; =
charset=3Diso-8859-1">
<META content=3D"MSHTML 5.50.4522.1800" name=3DGENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial color=3D#ff0000 size=3D2>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>if code.bugz > 1000 then=20
Application.Title :=3D 'Microsoft windows'</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>PC =
rules!<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT=20
face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Keyboard not found. Press F1 to=20
continue<BR></STRONG></FONT></DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Forget Pkzip and Arj =
!<BR>The=20
best compresion of files in DOS can be done with =
this=20
command:<BR>del *.*<BR>This garanties 100% compresion of=20
files.</STRONG></FONT></DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>HIROSIMA 45, CERNOBIL 86, =
WINDOWS=20
95<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Is Windows a Virus?<BR>Q. Is =
Windows a=20
virus?</STRONG></FONT>=20
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>A. No, Windows is not a virus. =
Here's what=20
viruses do: </STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>1) They replicate quickly -- =
okay, Windows=20
does that.</STRONG></FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG><BR>2) =
Viruses use up=20
valuable system resources, slowing down the system<BR>as they do so -- =
okay,=20
Windows does that.<BR>3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your =
hard disk=20
-- okay,<BR>Windows does that too.<BR>4) Viruses are usually carried, =
unknown to=20
the user, along with<BR>valuable programs and systems. Sigh.. Windows =
does that,=20
too.<BR>5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system=20
is<BR>too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, =
that's<BR>with=20
Windows, too. </STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Maybe Windows is a virus. =
</STRONG></FONT>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Nope! There is a difference! =
</STRONG></FONT>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Viruses are well supported by =
their authors,=20
are frequently updated,<BR>and tend to become more sophisticated as they =
mature.=20
</STRONG></FONT>
<P><FONT size=3D2><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial>So there! Windows is NOT a =
virus.<BR>It=20
is a bug. <BR>
<HR>
</FONT></STRONG><FONT size=3D3><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Ever =
noticed how=20
fast Windows runs ? Neither did I !=20
<HR>
OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"=20
<HR>
Out of disk space - Delete Windows ? [Y]es [H]ell yes!=20
<HR>
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time !=20
<HR>
<BR>M$ WINDOWS SECRET CODE<BR></STRONG></FONT>
<P></P>
<DIV align=3Dleft><PRE><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>#include =
"windows.h"
#include "system_errors.h"
#include "stdlib.h"
#include "msdos_bugs.h"
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_OS2())
freeze();
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
set_icons(UGLY);
print("Welcome to Windoze 3.11111");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory =3D open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
>
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