1. somethin taht will put a :-) on your face
- Posted by jan.hancic at email.si
Apr 29, 2001
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
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if code.bugz > 1000 then Application.Title :=3D 'Microsoft windows'
PC rules!
Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue
Forget Pkzip and Arj !
The best compresion of files in DOS can be done with this command:
del *.*
This garanties 100% compresion of files.
HIROSIMA 45, CERNOBIL 86, WINDOWS 95
Is Windows a Virus?
Q. Is Windows a virus?=20
A. No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:=20
1) They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
2) Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay,
Windows does that too.
4) Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with
valuable programs and systems. Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is
too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's
with Windows, too.=20
Maybe Windows is a virus.=20
Nope! There is a difference!=20
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated,
and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.=20
So there! Windows is NOT a virus.
It is a bug.=20
-------
OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"=20
-------
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time !=20
M$ WINDOWS SECRET CODE
#include "windows.h"
#include "system_errors.h"
#include "stdlib.h"
#include "msdos_bugs.h"
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_OS2())
freeze();
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
set_icons(UGLY);
print("Welcome to Windoze 3.11111");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory =3D open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
}
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial color=3D#ff0000 size=3D2>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>if code.bugz > 1000 then=20
Application.Title :=3D 'Microsoft windows'</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>PC =
rules!<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT=20
face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Keyboard not found. Press F1 to=20
continue<BR></STRONG></FONT></DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Forget Pkzip and Arj =
!<BR>The=20
best compresion of files in DOS can be done with =
this=20
command:<BR>del *.*<BR>This garanties 100% compresion of=20
files.</STRONG></FONT></DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>HIROSIMA 45, CERNOBIL 86, =
WINDOWS=20
95<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Is Windows a Virus?<BR>Q. Is =
Windows a=20
virus?</STRONG></FONT>=20
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>A. No, Windows is not a virus. =
Here's what=20
viruses do: </STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>1) They replicate quickly -- =
okay, Windows=20
does that.</STRONG></FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG><BR>2) =
Viruses use up=20
valuable system resources, slowing down the system<BR>as they do so -- =
okay,=20
Windows does that.<BR>3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your =
hard disk=20
-- okay,<BR>Windows does that too.<BR>4) Viruses are usually carried, =
unknown to=20
the user, along with<BR>valuable programs and systems. Sigh.. Windows =
does that,=20
too.<BR>5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system=20
is<BR>too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, =
that's<BR>with=20
Windows, too. </STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Maybe Windows is a virus. =
</STRONG></FONT>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Nope! There is a difference! =
</STRONG></FONT>
<P><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Viruses are well supported by =
their authors,=20
are frequently updated,<BR>and tend to become more sophisticated as they =
mature.=20
</STRONG></FONT>
<P><FONT size=3D2><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial>So there! Windows is NOT a =
virus.<BR>It=20
is a bug. <BR>
<HR>
</FONT></STRONG><FONT size=3D3><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Ever =
noticed how=20
fast Windows runs ? Neither did I !=20
<HR>
OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"=20
<HR>
Out of disk space - Delete Windows ? [Y]es [H]ell yes!=20
<HR>
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time !=20
<HR>
<BR>M$ WINDOWS SECRET CODE<BR></STRONG></FONT>
<P></P>
<DIV align=3Dleft><PRE><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>#include =
"windows.h"
#include "system_errors.h"
#include "stdlib.h"
#include "msdos_bugs.h"
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_OS2())
freeze();
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
set_icons(UGLY);
print("Welcome to Windoze 3.11111");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory =3D open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
>
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2. Re: somethin taht will put a :-) on your face
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
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Jan,
----- Original Message -----=20
From: jan.hancic at email.si=20
To: EUforum=20
Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2001 6:21 PM
Subject: somethin taht will put a 
on your face
-----
HIROSIMA 45, CERNOBIL 86, WINDOWS 95
-----
You know, that reminded me of something very nasty I did, when Windows =
95 was perpetrated upon an unsuspecting world. I had a friend who was a =
great Windows fan, anything Bill did was ok with him and so on. So I =
told him two things:
First, the truth about the "95". It wasn't on account of the year 1995, =
as most people supposed. Not at all. remember that the previous Windows =
was a Windows "3". So they enhanced into Windows 4, and it didn't work, =
so they came up with Windows 5, and worse. Then Windows 6, Windows 7, =
Windows 8, ... Windows 10, Windows 20, Windows 50 and no luck either. =
And one fine day dear Mr Gates told the team, "I don't care if it =
doesn't work! Just ship it!"
Then I admitted that, ok, lots of people are hooked on Windows and =
there's no way back. But Windows is too tied to the point-and-click =
paradigm, so somebody should develop a better mouse. Not limited to a =
couple or three measly buttons you can assign functions to only in =
strange combinations with Alt, Ctrl and the like. No, what we want is a =
powerful, full-featured input device with preset assignments and =
unambiguous text labels. Some 102 of them.
Ah, yes. When Windows 98 came up I also told him that surely Windows 99 =
would be next, then Windows 100, wouldn't it? An easy way out of the Y2K =
bug.
Gerardo
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<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Jan,</FONT></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE dir=3Dltr=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
<A title=3Djan.hancic at email.si=20
href=3D"mailto:jan.hancic at email.si">jan.hancic at email.si</A> </DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3DEUforum at topica.com=20
href=3D"mailto:EUforum at topica.com">EUforum</A> </DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Sunday, April 29, 2001 =
6:21=20
PM</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> somethin taht will put =
a on=20
your face</DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT><FONT face=3DArial=20
size=3D2></FONT><BR></DIV><FONT face=3DArial color=3D#ff0000 size=3D2>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>HIROSIMA 45, CERNOBIL 86, =
WINDOWS=20
95<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>
<HR>
</STRONG></FONT></DIV></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE>
<P dir=3Dltr><FONT color=3D#000000>You know, that reminded me of =
something very=20
nasty I did, when Windows 95 was perpetrated upon an unsuspecting world. =
I had a=20
friend who was a great Windows fan, anything Bill did was ok with him =
and so on.=20
So I told him two things:</FONT>
<P dir=3Dltr><FONT color=3D#000000>First, the truth about the "95". It =
wasn't on=20
account of the year 1995, as most people supposed. Not at all. =
remember=20
that the previous Windows was a Windows "3". So they enhanced into =
Windows 4,=20
and it didn't work, so they came up with Windows 5, and worse. Then =
Windows 6,=20
Windows 7, Windows 8, ... Windows 10, Windows 20, Windows 50 and no luck =
either.=20
And one fine day dear Mr Gates told the team, "I don't care if it =
doesn't work!=20
Just ship it!"</FONT>
<P dir=3Dltr><FONT color=3D#000000>Then I admitted that, ok, lots of =
people are=20
hooked on Windows and there's no way back. But Windows is too tied to =
the=20
point-and-click paradigm, so somebody should develop a better mouse. Not =
limited=20
to a couple or three measly buttons you can assign functions to only in =
strange=20
combinations with Alt, Ctrl and the like. No, what we want is a =
powerful,=20
full-featured input device with preset assignments and unambiguous =
text=20
labels. Some 102 of them.</FONT>
<P dir=3Dltr><FONT color=3D#000000>Ah, yes. When Windows 98 came up I =
also told him=20
that surely Windows 99 would be next, then Windows 100, wouldn't it? An =
easy=20
way out of the Y2K bug.</FONT>
<P dir=3Dltr><FONT color=3D#000000>Gerardo</FONT>
<P dir=3Dltr><FONT =
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