The *real* reason I got fired...
Well, I'm not that sure what the real reason was, but
it happened right after I sent the following E-Mail to
my bosses...
"
Dear Mister Lernhout and Mister Hauspie,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions.
Because to be honest, none of this Y-2-K dates problem
makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months
in our Voice Xpress product so that the year 2000 is
ready to go with the
following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak,
Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and
they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak,
Fridak and Saturdak.
I sent nottice to Shipping and Packaging to press
500.000 copies of this Y-2-K compliant Voice Xpress
version for selling in the United States and Canada.
Best Regards,
- Mike Smith
- Team Leader L&H Real Speak
"
Well?? I did a good job didn't I??????
I heared the Y2K copies I wrote sold extremely well in
Russia! Y to K, just like I was asked to do...
Oh! By the way Robert! Put this in the Euphoria/Doc
directory!
"Programmers Listen Up! 4 Reasons Why You Are Gonna
Write Your Next Program In Euphoria!
- Because APL is a write-only language.
- Because in C you had to code your own bugs, but in
C++ you can inherit them.
- Because C gives you enough rope to hang yourself
with, but C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it
to.
- Because a computer without COBOL and Fortran is like
a piece of chocolate without ketchup and mustard.
- Because PL/I is for programmers who can't decide
whether to code in COBOL or Fortran.
"
Muhahahahahaha!
Hehe..
Oh, BTW, I have to admit "EUPHORIA" is an excellent
name for a language! Because the most important thing
in a programming language is it's name. A language
will not succeed without a good name. I have
recently invented a very good name and now I am
looking for a suitable language.
Can anyone help me out??
And can anyone explain why all Euphoria programmers
ask to live on Atlantis??
Oh wait! I know! Because it's below C level...
I heard on MSN Microsoft is developing an OOP version
of COBOL. It's called "ADD 1 TO COBOL"...
Hey!
How many of you know I have a son called Spike?
Well, I do. I made him with my first wife.
But I lost him because the "STATE" didn't feel I was
doing a good job raising him.
This one time, I knew the Feds were coming over to see
how I treat my kid, and so I bought him this realy
expensive basketball wich I'd give to him infront of
the Feds, to make good impression.
So the Feds come in, and I call my son.
One fed says: "Mister Smith. We have reason to believe
that you don't pay attention to you child, and train
him to become a computer programmer like yourself so
he can write your code for you.".
I say: "Hell no! My son is a Jock! He don't know
anything about computers nor programming! He plays
ball with the homies at the mall. See? I bought him a
present! Here you go Spike! I bought you a new
basketball".
My son replies: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the
user's guide?"
Well, I lost my son. But after 6 months he could come
live back home from the state!!
Unfortunately, that wasn't a very good idea.
On his first day of school, something bad happened.
A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what
their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first.
What does your mother do
all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My
father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your
parent do, Spikey?"
Spike proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays
piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and went to Spike's house and
rang the bell. I awnsered the door. The teacher
explained
what my son had said and demanded an explanation. So I
said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing
in TCP/IP
communication protocol for Neural Networks using L&H
AI on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like
that to a seven-year-old?"
Heh? Well, anyways, they took him away from me...
You know, not many people believe in Magic.
But I do. Yes I do, but didn't believe in it always...
See, this one day I was walking along the beach when I
found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared
who stated "I am
the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you
any wish you want, but only one wish."
So I pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and
said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among
the
people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people
have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can
do just about
anything, but this is beyond my limits."
I then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs
have a lot of users. Please make all the users
satisfied
with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
A true story! I shit you not!
What's that? You don't believe in magic, nor Religion
eighter! Well, to tell you the truth, I never was a
Religion freak myself...
Untill one day I read in the Bible that God protects
all fools, and I decided to test it empirically. I
jumped out of the window
and broke a leg. There I lied, writhing in pain, and
happily thought: "I never really considered myself a
fool, but I never knew I
was THAT clever!"
and now some acronyms for all yall data dyslectic
types out there.
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
EUPHORIA: Even Unemployed Pimps & Hookers Often Reach
In Agony (for it)
And ro conclude, let's all sing The Programmer
Drinking Song!!!
"
99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
100 little bugs in the code.
(go to start if bugs>0)
"
Mike The Spike
__________________________________________________
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