Muhahahaha!

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You know, comedy is an essential part of life.
And I can't get enough of it.
People often seek out comedy in sources such as television
or the theather, but I get my comedy... from reading the Euphoria mailing list!

Haha! What a bunch of bullshit this is, you know?
I've always being interested in programming languages,
and one day I come accross Euphoria.
Before this I was a C, C++ and VB coder for Yahoo!, untill I quit for personal
reasons.
Now, what happens?
One day I meet Euphoria, and I read things such as "This language is fast, safe
and sexy" and "C/C++ are hard and bad, and Euphoria is easy and good, plus it
beats some C compilers in speed". Offcourse I go "Hey! This might be a cool fast
and easy language!" and I download it.
I read some texts on the language and start coding in it to test it's speed....
WAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
You people make me sick!
You have eighter all being brainwashed into thinking "Euphoria is fast", or you
are just some pathetic loser nerd kids who never even CODED in any other
language, thus thinking Euphoria is fast because RDS says so without comparing it
to other languages.
Euphoria is SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!
It's being compared to interpretters written in the 70's, and then it draws the
conclusion that it's faster! What a bunch of bullshit! Offcourse a 32-Bit
Optimised interpretter is going to be faster than a 16-Bit non-Optimised
interpretter like QBASIC. Only an asshole or a fool compares both with eachother!
Then the Euphoria documentation says something like "We never met an
interpretter that was faster than Euphoria" so all those gullible little kids are
going to believe it.
But read what it says! THEY never met a faster one, and THEY depend on
Euphoria's speed to cash in so they aren't going to tell you they only saw QBASIC
in their entire lives, or saw the truth wich is that there are interpretters wich
are FASTER than Euphoria out there.
All you guys are thinking "but what about Euphoria being 8x faster than JAVA?".
Yeah right, READ WHAT IT SAYS!
It don't say RDS wrote a benchmark program in Euphoria *and* JAVA and the
results showed Euphoria was 8x faster, it says that THE TIME IT TAKES TO READ IN
AND START EXECUTION ON A PROGRAM IS 8X FASTER IN EUPHORIA COMPARED TO JAVA!!!!
Understand? It's just saying that Eu's parser is 8x faster than JAVA's, not that
JAVA programs run slower than Euphoria programs. And I don't blaim JAVA for being
slower in parsing, since JAVA is a more complex language to parse than this "toy"
piece of shit language.

Euphoria is a joke.
It's being around for 7 years and NOT EVEN ONE PERSON was able to write a
commercial application in it.
Why is this?
Because Euphoria is only a toy language, it is not powerfull or feasible enough
to run a large complex commercial application in the year 2000.
The language is beaten to shit for writing a commercial program in it.
Euphoria doesn't INCREASE productivity, it DECREASES it!
You wanna write for the Mac in Euphoria? Can't do that!
For an SGI workstation?
Can't do that!
For the Playstation?
Can't do that!
For the Playstation II, Nintendo 64, Gameboy, Saturn, Dreamcast, Star Cube, NES,
SNES, Genesis, X-BOX?
Can't do that!
But using ANSI C you *can*! For *all* of these platforms!
This is what they don't tell you, and this is why Euphoria can NEVER even
remotely compete with even the BASIC programming language, simply because
Euphoria is a restricting, 3-platform, closed-source propriatary programming toy.
It's not even a language because so-called "RDS" want's to hug it and squeeze it
and hope that maybe in another 7 years it will start to render, instead of
throwing out the source like Python and let users implement the crappy shit
language where they want.
This is why languages like Python are so famous despite their bad performance:
They are public property!

Now, RDS is doing bad things with Euphoria in the following fields;

1. They keep it a property and don't make it opensource out of fear of someone
"stealing their ideas" (paranoia anyone?)
2. Euphoria users can't produce .dlls, .ocxs or shared libraries, nor object
files, and restrict Euphoria to producing EXEs and EXEs alone.
3. They built-in garbage collection and other gimmick shit wich can't be turned
off for extra speed (because they don't want you to find out that Euphoria is
slow because of sloppy design instead of the run-time gimmicks they claim to have
built in)
4. They support only 3 platforms, and that truly is *NOT* going to cut it. To
beat C or C++, compiled or interpretted, you will have to support EVERY platform
C/C++ supports, or don't even start comparing Euphoria to it. Plus, 2 of the
platforms they support they only support half, because you can't produce shared
libary systems like DLLs and such wich LINUX and Win32 support, and wich the
C/C++ compilers for those platforms DO support.
5. They keep selling a damned Interpretter while that truly is NOT what any
serious programmer wants! A good commercial compiler is sooooo much faster for
any language than a commercial interpretter for that language.
6. They keep lying about the product. Euphoria is NOT fast, NOT powerfull and
NOT  F R E E!! This turns down a hell of a lot of serious developers who try out
the language and see that it says "register here to get the full product" after
reading "Euphoria is a FREE program". What part of "This is only a demo and you
have to pay to get the full product" don't you people understand? If Euphoria is
"free" because they give out a lacking small demo of the full product, then by
that same analogy all those Shareware programs on Tucows and those Shareware
games (wich is EVERY game now released for the PC) are "free" aswell? Euphoria is
SHAREWARE *not* FREEWARE! DJGPP is FREEWARE! LCC is FREEWARE! Euphoria is
SHAREWARE! Why can't you people understand this?

Now at first I didn't want to come crashing down here with the truth about
Euphoria, because I saw they finally got it straight and started work on a
Compiler.
But then the following happened:
- I realised RDS was lying again when using the term COMPILER while they were
actually working on A TRANSLATOR.
- I saw that only 3 platforms were going to be supported, while with correct
coding you can produce ANSI C source from a Euphoria translator and ANSI C source
alone, thus making Euphoria programs compilable on a lot of other platforms with
just a bit of work from RDS, but in order to do this all the translator has to
produce for you to compile would be ANSI C-Source with #ifdef sections for each
platform, wich would mean RDS would have to giveout the ENTIRE source to the
Euphoria system, wich because they are paranoid of anyone "stealing their ideas"
they can't do, and settled with producing pre-compiled library files wich have to
be compiled at RDS for only a given amount of compilers and platforms, wich are
later linked by you to produce an executable.
- The translator is STILL SLOW!!!! Speedups of 2x or 5x are *NOTHING*!
Interpretted Euphoria benchmarks run 100s of times SLOWER THAN OPTIMISED COMPILED
C! You are only making it a tiny bit faster, wich is obsolete! I benchmarked
Euphoria against compiled C (VC++ 6.0) and it's even 300 times slower at some
points! THREE HUNDRED!!! Did anyone actually "try" and benchmark Euphoria against
top-quality products such as VC++?? You should, because you will freak out! I saw
a kid coming in here with his Euphoria Vs. VC++ benchmark showing Euphoria was
250 times slower than VC++ 5.0, wich was 100% correct and the absolute truth, and
RDS tries to muffle his results away with some fake talk like "oh but the C
compilers often strip out code and those 10 benchmarks weren't actually
running.." DUH? That kid believed it and apologised! Offcourse a C compiler
strips out some code wich is NEVER CALLED, but not critical code wich is called
thousands of times like that! Try it for yourself, I will give you all the money
on my bank account if Euphoria is not atleast 200 times slower in total than VC++
6.0.

People, how can you live with yourself believing all t hese lies?
Euphoria is a big piece of lying flaming junk! Buy the latest JAVA interpretter
and see it run dozens of times faster than Euphoria, plus create your programs,
web pages, applets, etc. with it, then write some DOS programs using the (truly)
FREE DJGPP JAVA to C translator, etc...

Why is it that after all these years, there are no commercial Euphoria
applications? How come all there is of Euphoria are some slow graphics demos and
even slower PONG and Space Invaders clones? How come there ins't a human being
alive that can write a 3D engine in Euphoria, that doesn't look like a slow
version of a 286 engine from decades ago running slow even on today's Pentiums?
Even 3D graphics routines written in MACHINE CODE incorporated into Euphoria
programs, run SLOW AS HELL just because of the fact that Euphoria has to call
those routines, wich it does ultra-slow!

Kids, if you want a future as a proffesional computer programmer, throw away
Euphoria because it serves you no good and hides you away from reality, making
you believe lies, and start learning C++ or even Visual Basic or Delphi!

And by the way, Visual Basic is MUCH easier to use than Euphoria!
Because in Euphoria you have to write THOUSANDS of lines of code just to create
a small Hello World Windows app, and in VB you write 0 lines for the same
purpose! Win32lib does not count because it is not part of the language, and even
so still incorporates thousands of Euphoria lines to create a GUI interface,
proving me correct anyways.

Drake ICE

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